There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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