i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
