Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How external is "for external use only"?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
