I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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