Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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