he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize