My room smells like vodka and shame
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
