both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
