I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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