do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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