once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
