so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
