Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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