KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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