don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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