he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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