Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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