i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
