i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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