i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
