I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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