Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize