I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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