I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
