I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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