Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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