Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
