there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
