My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
