I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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