Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
