So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Please don't give away my fajitas
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize