also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
