Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
