Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
