we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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