Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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