im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
