Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
