i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
