I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
