Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I cut my penus on the lid.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
