What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
