I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
