my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
