i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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