Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
