So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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