my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
