Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
