Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
