I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize