cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
