I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
