this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
