I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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