hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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