he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He did a backflip because drugs
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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