if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
