I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am midnight drunk by noon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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