I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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