I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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