I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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