It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
