There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
