dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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