Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
