Quick, to the slutcave!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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