my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
