My first STD was from a foam party
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
