i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
