That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
