Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
