They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
